Criticism, Some Thoughts

At a gathering I attended not too long ago I overheard a conversation that has caused me quite a bit of reflection. In it, ridicule and criticism were expressed about people not present who were working toward a goal the group didn't understand. I have thought about this critique for several weeks, and about criticism in general and wanted to share my musings here. Lucky you.

“The trouble with most of us is that we'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” -Norman Vincent Peale

Critique given to or about ourselves can be a good thing, making us look at something through the eyes of another and evaluate what we are doing and why. This is criticism we can appreciate, particularly when it is given with the spirit of sincerely trying to help us improve even if we don't particularly agree with it. Then there is criticism that is offered to hurt, belittle or make the person giving the criticism feel less small. Is there a tool we can use to help us decipher criticism, both of ourselves or work and that of others? I think so.

When dealing with a critic, Steve Jobs is reported to have asked, “Do you create anything or just criticize others and belittle their motivations?” I love this because it gives me a great measuring stick to help evaluate what other's motives may be. Is your critic one who 'does' things -or- one who produces nothing in his or her own life? Chances are, the guy who looks at a piece of art and says scornfully, "Huh, I could have done that," hasn't thought about the skill or effort the work took. I always want to ask those folks, "Then why didn't you, hmmm??" when I hear those types of statements.

“Often those that criticise others reveal what they themselves lack.” -Shannon L. Alder

Giving criticism well is possibly more important than taking it, at least to my way of thinking.  I've made myself a list of critique self-check questions:

• Have I been asked for my opinion? (What- you mean I should wait to be asked??)
• Am I qualified to give it? (To keep me from saying something like, "I don't know anything about this, BUT...")
• Is there a way to give my golden nuggets of wisdom that will build up and not tear down? 
• Does what I am about to say add anything of value or am I just wanting to say something to look smart?  

Uncomfortable questions, indeed.  Of course, using the questions will require thinking before speaking.  Ah, self control...  We live in a world just full of people-things.  Some of them are going to give us sincere help along our journey and others will open their mouths and spew out real stumbling blocks in our paths.  The trick is learning to use the useful and discard the junk.  When we encounter someone who feels called upon to question our motives or abilities from a position of little mind/big mouth, we can ask ourselves (or possibly them, how fun would that be?) Steve Job's brilliant question.  However, when we come across someone who truly means well and has help to offer it is a gift.  I hope I can learn to receive it as such.

Whew, I'm glad I got that all worked out.  Thanks for stopping by! Alice